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Author Topic:   Joke!
71hemicuda
Pilot
posted 08-29- 08:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 71hemicuda   Click Here to Email 71hemicuda     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
JOKE OF THE DAY: LA's Finest
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all
trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The
President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into the forest
and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They
question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive
investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing
everything in it, including the rabbit. They make no apologies. The rabbit
had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"


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silas
Pilot
posted 08-29- 10:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for silas   Click Here to Email silas     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Another enforcement one, funny but true.

This is taken from a "Community Policing" question and answer via
e-mail forum in California:

The question is:

I would like to know how it is possible for police officers to harass
people and get away with it? And where can you go for help other than a civil attorney?

And the reply form a really cool cop was:

It is not easy. In California we average one cop for every 2000 people. About 60% of those cops are on patrol, where we do most of the harassing. One-fifth of that 60% are on duty at any moment and available for harassing people. So, one cop is responsible to harass about 10,000 residents.
When you toss in the commercial, business and tourist locations that attract people from other areas, sometimes you have a situation where a single cop is responsible for harassing 20,000 or more people a day. A ten hour shift runs 36,000 seconds. This gives one cop one second to harass a person, and three-fourths of a second to eat a donut AND find a new person to harass. This is not an easy task. Most cops are not up to it day in and day out. It is just too tiring. What we do is utilize some tools to help us narrow down those which we harass.
They are as follows:

PHONE:
People will call us up and point out things that cause us to focus on a person for special harassment.
"My neighbour is beating his wife" is a code phrase we use. Then we come out and give special harassment.
Another popular one on a weeknight is; "The kids next door are having a party".

CARS:
We have special cops assigned to harass people who drive. They like to harass the drivers of fast cars, cars blasting music, cars with expired registration tabs and
the like. It is lots of fun when you
pick them out of traffic for nothing more obvious than running a red light. Sometimes you get to really heap the harassment on when you find they have drugs in the car, are drunk, or have a warrant.

RUNNERS:
Some people take off running just at the sight of a police officer. Nothing is quite as satisfying as running after them like a beagle on the scent of a bunny. When you catch them you can harass them for hours.

CODES:
When you can think of nothing else to do, there are books that give ideas for reasons to harass folks. They are called CODES. Penal, Vehicle, Health and Safety, Business
and Professions. They all spell out all sorts of things for which you can really mess with people. After you read the code, you can just drive around for a while until you find someone violating one of these listed offences and harass them. Just last week I saw a guy smash a car window. Well, the code says that is not allowed. That meant I got to harass this guy. It is a pretty cool system that we have set up, and it works pretty well. I seem to have a never-ending supply of folks to harass. And we get away with it because the good citizens who pay the tab like that we keep the streets safe for them. Next time you are in my town, give me a single finger wave. That is a signal that you wish for me to take a little closer look at you, and maybe find a reason to harass you.

Looking forward to meeting you.

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71hemicuda
Pilot
posted 08-30- 12:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for 71hemicuda   Click Here to Email 71hemicuda     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Here is another one.

If you can start the day without caffeine,

if you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

if you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

if you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

if you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give
you any time,

if you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when,
though no fault of yours, something goes wrong,

if you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

if you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,

if you can face the world without lies and deceit,

if you can conquer tension without medical help,

if you can relax without liquor,

if you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

if you can honestly say that deep in your heart you have no prejudice
against creed, color, religion, gender preference, or politics,

THEN, you have reached the same level of development as your dog.

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71hemicuda
Pilot
posted 08-30- 12:21 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for 71hemicuda   Click Here to Email 71hemicuda     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ooopppsss clicked on the wrong smile.

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