posted 05-31- 12:52 PM               

How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.

How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford?

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.

What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor.

What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
Chelsea Clinton. (My favorite

What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.

What does a lawyer use for birth-control? His personality.

What happens when you try to cross a pig with a lawyer? Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles..

What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture? Removable wingtips.

What's the difference between God and a lawyer? God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

Why does California have the most lawyers in the country and New Jersey have the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got first choice.

posted 05-31- 01:10 PM            

Love the Clinton one, and the last one with the terrorists.

Werner

posted 05-31- 02:34 PM               

"You are under an NDA and continuing with the install indicates you are going to abide by it. The original intention was to threaten you with a plague of vampires and such. But instead we'll forewarn you that lawyers will be used in their place. It's better to use lawyers anyway, they're more vicious than vampires and they can come after you in the daytime as well as at night."

posted 05-31- 09:30 PM               

Lawyers Award Contest

ONLY IN AMERICA

A Charlotte, NC man purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars and then insured them against fire among other things. Within
a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on
the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing
the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The man sued.... and won!

In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted
that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against
fire, without defining what is considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to
the man for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

So what would you decide to do as the insurance company? Here is what they did.

NOW FOR THE BEST PART

After the man cashed the check, the insurance
company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim
and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property
and sentenced him to 24 months in jail and
$24,000.00 fine.

This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent

posted 05-31- 10:41 PM               

------------------
nealg=FC=

posted 05-31- 11:12 PM               

Got anymore