posted 07-14- 02:28 PM               

Bill Clinton and Al Gore went into a local diner for lunch. As
they read the menu, the waitress came over and asked Clinton,
"Are you ready to order, sir?"

Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie."

"A quickie?!" the waitress replies with disgust. "Sir, given the
current situation of your personal life, I don't believe that's a
good idea. I'll come back later when you are ready to make an order
from the MENU." She walks away.

Al Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "Sir, it's pronounced 'Quiche'."

PENMANSHIP

Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead
of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn,
he sees, "The President Must Go!" written in urine across the
snow. Well, old Bill is pretty ticked off.

He storms into his security staff's HQ, and yells, "Somebody
wrote a threat in the snow on the front lawn! And they wrote
it in urine! The person had to be standing right on the porch
when he did it! Where were you guys?!"

The security guys stood silently and stared ashamedly at the
floor. Bill hollers, "Well dammit, don't just sit there! Get
out and FIND OUT WHO DID IT!! I want an answer, and I want it
TONIGHT!" The entire staff immediately jumps up and races for
the exits.

Later that evening, his chief security officer approached him
and says, "Well Mr. President, we have some bad news, and we
have some really bad news. Which do you want first?"

Clinton says, "Oh hell, give me the bad news first." The officer
says, "Well, we took a sample of the urine and tested it. The
results just came back, and it was Al Gore's urine."

Clinton says, "Oh my God, I feel so....so....so....betrayed! My
own Vice President! Damn....Well, what's the really bad news?"

The officer replies, "Well sir, it was in Hillary's handwriting."

SNOW DAYS

Al and Tipper were sitting down to their usual cup of morning
coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio.
"There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency
has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered
side of the streets." Al got up from his coffee and replies,
"Well, okay."

Two days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups
of morning coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 2
to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared.
You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets."
Al got up from his coffee and replies, "Well, okay."

Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups
of coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 6 to 8 inches
of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park
your cars on the..." and then the power went out and Al didn't get
the rest of the instructions. He says to Tipper, "What am I going
to do now, Tipper?"

Tipper replies, "Aw, Al, just leave the car in the garage."

HAPPY TRAILS

Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill
looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a
$10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person
very happy."

Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw
ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."

Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course,
then, I could throw one hundred $100 bills out the window and
make a hundred people very happy."

Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could
throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."

DIFFERENCES OF OPINION

Q: What's the difference between Al Gore and a slab of formica?
A: Absolutely nothing.
Q: How can you spot Al Gore in a bunch of Secret Service agents?
A: He's the stiff one.

STANDING STILL

At an outdoor press conference, Al Gore was addressing
harsh criticism of being lifeless as a statue.

"That is absurd," Gore stoically stated. "When elected, the
people of America will see just how passionate
and alive I truly am."

Embarrassed for her husband, Tipper, leaned in to whisper,
"Honey, you have a pigeon on your head."

LITTLE BIRDIES

Al Gore was arrested for shooting a spotted owl. When he got to
court, the judge said, "You know it's illegal to shoot spotted
owls. They're an endangered species."

Gore replied, "I know, your Honor, but I was lost in the woods
and I was starving. That poor owl was the first food I had seen
in three days!"

The judge took pity on Mr. Gore and said, "Well, I'll let you off
with a warning this time. It's obvious that you were trying to
survive. Just don't do it again."

The vice president swore that he wouldn't and thanked the judge
profusely. On his way out, the judge stopped him. "By the way,
Mr. Vice President, how did it taste?"

He thought a moment then replied, "Not bad ... not bad, a lot like
bald eagle."

OUT OF BONDAGE

Have you heard about the new Al Gore bonds the Treasury
Department is pushing?

They have no interest at all.

Cheers
Himdog out