posted 04-11- 11:41 AM               

Once I stopped laughing uncontrollably at the thought of all those poor souls on the phone to tech support after attempting to install Linux, I got to thinking about the old joke where Bill Gates and the head of GM were comparing their respective products and that lead me to...

If Linux Was An Automobile

1. It's free, but you'd have to hire a truck to go to Detroit and pick up all of the pieces. However, for a modest sum (about the cost of that Windows-auto) you can pick up a pre-assembled distro at your local dealer.
2. To make the Linux auto run faster you could leave non-vital pieces out of the final compiled version. For example, you could drop the alternator module, just remember to recharge the battery every few starts.
3. To enter the auto, insert the key into the door lock and rotate it left once then right twice. If this fails to open the door, see the man pages on coat-hanger -in -window. Should this fail, check out slashdot.org for the how-to on the rock-thru-the-glass hack.
4. To start the auto, make sure you have execute permissions on the ignition switch. If not, go root and invoke chmod 777 ignition-switch.
5. Once the engine is running (provided you remembered to charge the battery - see step 2.), you'll want to check out the instrument panel which requires the requisite x-server for this model. Run xf86config to setup the instrument panel display and then copy the xf86config file to /usr/X11R6/lib/X11 and then run startx. If the instrument panel doesn't appear and the x-server says the tachometer is busy, this is usual with Linux autos that have gpm running. Kill the gpm process and try startx again.
6. To get moving you'll need to make sure the transmission daemon is running. At the instrument panel locate the bash shell and enter ps -axg|more and look for the auto-transmission process.
7. Once moving, you'll need to need to use the brake and accelerator programs to control your Linux auto's speed. It is not recommended to compile the Linux auto kernal without the brake package.