posted 01-31- 05:23 AM            

mud

Dear Tech Support:

Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed
that the new program began making unexpected changes to the
accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and
jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such
as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs
new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball
5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer
runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will
it run DiaperChanging 14.1or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running
Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of
only limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!

Sincerely, XXX

Dear XXX:

This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly
due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend
5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an
ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING
SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as
possible.

Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0,
because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating
files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband
1.0, so nothing is gained.

It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files
from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be
installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory.
Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0.

In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite
applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have
tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women
end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0.

Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You will
notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with
HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the
quirks of this strange and illogical system.

Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read
the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This
is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the
parent company as an integral part of the operating system.

Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and
problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature
enter the command "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME".

Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the
command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3
and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.

TECH TIP!
Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional
and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\ I
APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal
operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to
GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0.

Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create
FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard to
delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!

Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for
all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently
run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great
program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new
applications quickly.

Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I
personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1.
Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0
running smoothly.

After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you
will find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings
2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.

A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install
MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause
selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run
only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is
uninstalled.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install
Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in
coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!