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Author
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Topic: The Darwin Awards are in....
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Himdog
Pilot
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posted 01-12- 03:44 PM
   
Ok, hot off the press I just got it and I have to let you guys read it, so enjoy it...
> As you may already know, the Darwin Awards are for those
> nominees who contribute to the gene pool by dying in
> spectacularly stupid ways.
>
> DARWIN AWARD - POTENTIAL 1999 AWARD CANDIDATES:
>
> In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and
> drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first
> through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car
> keys.
>
> In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker,
> who "totally zoned out when he ran," according to his wife,
> accidentally jogged off a 200-foot-high cliff on his daily
> run.
>
> Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole
> he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it.
> Beachgoers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun,
> or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach
> chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed,
> burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on
> the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to
> claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA,
> but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy
> equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people
> looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
>
> In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc,
> CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle
> shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long
> flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands
> free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
>
> According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick
> Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet
> Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a knife
> could not penetrate the flak vest that Berrena was wearing.
>
> Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in
> Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he
> would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his
> mouth and pull the trigger.
>
> In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel
> Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on
> collision, thus earning a tie in the game of chicken they
> were playing with their snowmobiles.
>
> DARWIN AWARD - HONORABLE MENTIONS
>
> In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a
> millipede with a shot from his 22-caliber rifle, but the
> bullet ricocheted off a rock near the hole, and hit his pal
> Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull.
>
> In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to
> clean out cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom
> in favor of a propane torch and caused a fire that burned
> the first and second floors of his house.
>
> Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ,
> in September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a
> quarter-stick of dynamite that blew up in their car. While
> driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite
> and tried to toss it out the window to see what would
> happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the
> window was closed.
>
> In Betulia, Colombia, an annual festival in November
> includes five days of amateur bullfighting. This year, no
> bull was killed, but dozens of matadors were injured,
> including one gored in the head, and one Bobbittized. Said
> one participant, "It's just one bull against [a town of] a
> thousand morons."
>
> AND THE WINNER:
>
> PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zoo-keeper Friedrich
> Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of
> animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs, and
> prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly, and
> suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
> Investigators say that the ill-fated Friedrich, 46,
> was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive-oil
> enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a dump
> truck full of mud. "The sheer force of the elephant's
> unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground,
> where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as
> the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of
> him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik
> Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that
> dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along,
> and during that time, the keeper suffocated. It seems to be
> just one of those freak accidents that happen."Cheers.
Himdog out. IP: Logged |
Jerry
Pilot
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posted 01-12- 09:55 PM
Himdog, the winner has me ROFLMAO. Haven't laughed so loud by myself in a long time.IP: Logged | |
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