Himdog
Pilot
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posted 12-17- 05:03 PM
   
Yes everyone, it is that time again, it's the Darwin award:
>"Darwin Award": It's an annual honor given to the person who did the
>gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most
>extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was
>killed by the Coke machine, which toppled over on top of him as he was
>attempting to tip a free soda, out of it.
>
>Now we present this year's winner:
>
>The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded
>into the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The
>wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The
>type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. The boys at the lab finally
>figured out what it was, and what had happened. It seems that a guy (or
>gal) somehow got hold of a JATO (Jet Assisted Take Off) unit that is used
>to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from
>short airfields. These are solid-fuel rockets which burn as the airplane
>starts down the runway, then are discarded once the fuel is spent. (They
>don't have an 'OFF' switch. They burn until the fuel is gone.) He took
>the JATO and his (her?) Chevy Impala out into the desert, found a long,
>straight stretch of road, attached the JATO to the car, jumped in, got up
>some speed, and fired off the rocket. Best as they could determine, he
>(she?) was doing somewhere between 250 - 300 mph when he came to that
>curve. The brakes were completely burned away, apparently from trying
>to slow the car.
>
>And for this year's runner-up:
>
>This one needs an intro, so you won't be lost at the beginning. This man
was in an accident (work accident, not car accident), so he filled out an
>insurance claim. The insurance company contacted him and asked for more
>information. This was his response: "I am writing in response to your
>request for additional information for block number 3 of the accident
>reporting form. I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You
>>said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the
>following detail will be sufficient. I am an amateur radio operator and
>on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my
>new 80 foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I
>had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300
>pounds of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now un-needed
>tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a
>small barrel by using a pulley, which was fortunately attached to the gin
>pole at the top of the tower. "Securing the rope at ground level, I went
>to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the
>barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it
>tightly to ensure a slow descent of the 300 pounds of tools. You will
>note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh only
>155 pounds. Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so
>suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope.
>Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate of speed up the side
>of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40 foot level, I met the barrel
>coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken collarbone.
>Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until
>the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
>"Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was
>able to hold onto the rope in spite of my pain. At approximately the same
>time, however, the barrel of tools hit the ground and the bottom fell out
>of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed
>approximately 20 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number
>11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the
>tower. In the vicinity of the 40 foot level, I met the barrel coming up.
>This accounts for the two fractured ankles, and the lacerations of my
>legs and lower body. The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to
>lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of tools and, fortunately,
>only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that
>as I lay there on the tools, in pain, unable to stand and watching the
>empty barrel 80 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind. I let
>go of the rope....Ahhhh Whats Up Doc?
Himdog out
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posted 12-18- 05:37 PM
