posted 12-12- 08:48 AM               

CARELESS CODE RECYCLING CAUSES KILLER KANGAROOS (Mutant Marsupials Take Up Arms Against Australian Air Force)

The reuse of some object-oriented code has caused tactical headaches for Australia's armed forces. As virtual reality simulators assume larger roles in helicopter combat training, programmers have gone to great lengths to increase the realism of their scenarios, including detailed landscapes and - in the case of the Northern Territory's Operation Phoenix- herds of kangaroos (since disturbed animals might well give away a helicopter's position).

The head of the Defense Science & Technology Organization's Land Operations/Simulation division reportedly instructed developers to model the local marsupials' movements and reactions to helicopters. Being efficient programmers, they just re-appropriated some code originally used to model infantry detachment reactions under the same stimuli, changed the mapped icon from a soldier to a kangaroo, and increased the figures' speed of movement.

Eager to demonstrate their flying skills for some visiting American pilots, the hotshot Aussies "buzzed" the virtual kangaroos in low flight during a simulation. The kangaroos scattered, as predicted, and the visiting Americans nodded appreciatively... then did a double-take as the kangaroos reappeared from behind a hill and launched a barrage of Stinger missiles at the hapless helicopter. (Apparently the programmers had forgotten to remove that part of the infantry coding.)

The lesson? Objects are defined with certain attributes, and any new object defined in terms of an old one inherits all the attributes. The embarrassed programmers had learned to be careful when reusing object-oriented code, and the Yanks left with a newfound respect for Australian wildlife. Simulator supervisors report that pilots from that point onward have strictly avoided kangaroos, just as they were meant to.

* From June 15, 1999 Defense Science and Technology Organization Lecture Series, Melbourne, Australia, and staff reports

posted 12-13- 01:07 AM               

...WINDOWS programmers...were they?

Let's hear it for the Roos!!!!

posted 12-13- 11:58 AM               

Hawk's version is actually the "official" version of the story. What the American pilots witnessed was a simulation of absolute reality...a horrible reality only too real to Australians.

Secret documents are only now coming to light in regard to the Australian Nuclear Tests. It seems as though beginning in the late 60's, the Australian government has been controlled by an Extreme Right group of politicians, and in an atmosphere of Invasion Paranoia, began conducting secret nuclear tests in remote parts of the continent.

During one of these tests, presumably in the early 80's, a herd, or "Big Bunch of 'Roos" as they are referred to by native Australians, wandered across an area where a nuclear test had just occured.

At first the animals were presumed to have perished, as they were last seen hopping in an erratic fashion "into the bush."

Reports though began pouring in to authorities soon after, from lonely outposts and ranches in the Outback, of large, angry kangaroos, able to speak and carry small objects.

The reports then indicated they began demanding small things, Japanese animation and American cigarettes at first, and then grew increasingly surly and violent. Some outposts eventually ceased sending reports at all, and the ones that were able to report included stories of juvenile gangs of the marsupials wearing surfer shorts low on their behinds, and leering at Homosapien women.

Information becomes sketchy at best from this point on, but current communications intercepted by agents indicate the Mutant Band of Roos has at times negotiated "seperate peaces" with the Australian Government, culminating in a 47% ownership of all "Outback Steakhouse" restaurants worldwide, and are completely responsible for Olivia Newton-John appearing on Animal Planet broadcasts.

They apparently use their funding to negotiate weapons deals with terrorists, in addition to providing areas in the Australian Wilderness for training and housing various factions of known terrorist groups worldwide.

Stinger missiles were acquired apparently as a footnote in the Iran-Contra affair with Oliver North, and were given to the Roos by the Reagan Administration at the request of the Australian government after threats were received that the Roos would "...break this story to CNN like a breakfast egg, unless we get what we want."

So you see, that was no programming glitch. Those were actual Aussie helo-pilots, training for their baptism in fire. The Roos cunning, knowledge of the territory, and their ability to blend in easily with their natural surroundings, coupled with their incredible learned aptitude with state-of-the-art weapons make them an incredible foe. Not to mention most pilots' adverse reaction to the thought of "...flamin' Skippy."

Oh, that's what they would like you to believe, sure, that it was all a funny little mistake in the simulator. That really, the kangaroos represented were supposed to be just harmless marsupials, happily cavorting around the Outback...

But we know better guys, don't we?

Well shoot, there's been some nervous looking guy in a black trenchcoat chain-smoking on my front porch for the last couple of minutes. Better go see what he wants.

Mk10=225th=

posted 12-14- 03:55 AM               

------------------
Cheers
Kat out