posted 12-02- 09:01 PM
Ok ya'll, bring another house ale over here and get one for your self too because I got some more jokes for ya.......Does this happen to you guys?
>---> > >How many men does it take to open a beer?
>>> > > >None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
>>> > > >
>>> > > >Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
>>> > > >Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine
>will
>>> > > >never be able to support you.
>>> > > >
>>> > > >Why do women have smaller feet than men?
>>> > > >So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
>>> > > >
>>> > > >How do you know when a woman is about to say something
>>> > > >smart?
>>> > > >When she starts her sentence with, "A man once told me..."
>>> > > >
>>> > > >How do you fix a woman's watch?
>>> > > >You don't. There's a clock on the oven.
>>> > > >
>>> > > >Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and
>you're
>>> > > >going to want to shoot it.
>>> > > >
>>> > > >If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is
>>> yelling
>>> > > >at the front door, who do you let in first?
>>> > > >The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let
>him
>>> in.
>>> > > >
>>> > > >What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
>>> > > >A woman that won't do what she's told.
>>> > > >
>>> > > >I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name
>was
>>> > > >Always.
>>> > > >
>>> > > >I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like
>to
>>> > > >interrupt her.
>>> > > >
>>> > > >What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her
>>> intelligence?
>>> > > >Divorced.
>>> > > >
>>> > > >Bigamy is having one wife too many.
>>> > > >Some say monogamy is the same.
>>> > > >
>>> > > >Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a
>woman's
>>> sex
>>> > > >drive by 90%...wedding cake.
>>> > > >
>>> > > >Marriage is a 3 ring circus:
>>> > > >Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
>>> > > >
>>> > > >What is the difference between a girlfriend and a
wife?
>>> > > >45 pounds.
>>> > > >
>>> > > >What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?.....
>>> > > >sexual harassment.
>>> > > >What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?....
>>> > > >$4.99 per minute!!!
There were three babies in a woman's stomach, and they were
discussing
what they would like to be when birthed and grown up.
The first one said "I wanna be a plumber."
The others laughed at this, and asked "why a plumber?"
He replied, "so I can fix the pipes in here, its kinda leaky."
The second one said "I wanna be an electrician."
The others laughed at this and asked "why an electrician?"
He replied, "so I can get some lights in here, its dark!"
The third one said "I wanna be a boxer."
The others thought this was hilarious, and laughed for a full 5
minutes,
before asking, "why in God's name do you want to be a boxer?"
He replied, "so I can beat the hell out of that bald guy who keeps
coming
in here and spitting on us!"
> The sky was dark
> The moon was high
> All alone
> Just she and I.
> Her hair so soft
> Her eyes so blue
> I knew just what
> She wanted to do.
> Her skin so soft
> Her legs so fine
> I ran my fingers
> Down her spine.
> I didn't know how
> But I tried my best
> I started by placing
> My hands on her breast.
> I remember my fear,
> My fast beating heart
> But slowly she spread
> Her legs apart
> And when I did it
> I felt no shame
> All at once
> The white stuff came.
> At last it's finished,
> It's over now,
> My first time ever
> At milking a cow.
>
> get your minds out of the gutter....................(smile)
> >>
Well that ale is gone and it's getting late and I got to go home but I'll be back again just save me a spot at the pub Jade and I'll tell some more jokes when I come back.
Himdog out.
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