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Author	Topic: Joke.....
Mad Dog S Pilot	posted 11-28- 03:00 AM It seems that a young man volunteered for military service during World War II. He had such a high aptitude for aviation that he was sent right to Pensecola skipping boot camp. The very first day at Pensecola he solos and is the best flier on the base. All they could do was give him his gold wings and assign him immediately to an aircraft carrier in the Pacific. On his first day aboard he took off and single-handedly shot down 6 Japanese Zeroes. Then climbing up to 20,000 ft. he found 9 more Japanese planes and shot them all down, too. Noting that his fuel was getting low, he descended, circled the carrier and came in for a perfect landing on the deck. He threw back the canopy, climbed out and jogged over to the captain. Saluting smartly he said, "Well sir, how did I do on my very first day?" The captain turned around, bowed, and replied, "You make one velly impoltant mistake!" IP: Logged
Mad Dog S Pilot	posted 11-28- 03:03 AM An airline pilot finishes talking to the passengers just after his plane has taken off, and he forgets to turn off the intercom. He says to the co-pilot, "I think I'll go take a shit and then try to fuck that new blonde stewardess." The stewardess hears it, and as she goes running up the aisle to tell him the intercom is still on, she trips on the rug and falls on her ass. A little old lady looks down at her and says, "There's no rush, honey. He said he had to take a shit first." IP: Logged
Mad Dog S Pilot	posted 11-28- 03:10 AM A guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up, and no one is there. He looks all around and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat. He picks it up and throws it across the street into a field. Ten years goes by, and one day he hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up and no one is there. He looks all around and he finally sees the little snail sitting on the doormat. The snail says, "What the fuck was that all about?" IP: Logged
Mad Dog S Pilot	posted 11-28- 03:13 AM A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy named "Clint", and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to Clint, "You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of third day, you die. What is first wish?" Clint says, "I want to see my horse." The Indians get his horse. Clint grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the ass. The horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with Clint. The Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man - can only think of one thing." The second day, the chief says, "What your wish today?" Clint says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse. Clint leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horse's ear, then slaps it on the ass. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with the Clint. The Indians shake their heads, figuring, "Typical white man - going to die tomorrow and can only think of one thing." The last day comes, and the chief says, "This your last wish, white man. What you want?" Clint says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse. Clint grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, "Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!" IP: Logged
Mad Dog S Pilot	posted 11-28- 03:16 AM You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. --Frank Zappa Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. --Ernest Hemmingway Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. --Winston Churchill He was a wise man who invented beer. --Plato Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. --Catherine Zandonella A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. --W.C. Fields Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. --Lady Astor to Winston Churchill; Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. --His reply Sir, you're drunk! --Lady Astor to Winston Churchill; Yes, Madam, I am. But in the morning, I will be sober and you will still be ugly. --His reply If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. --David Daye Work is the curse of the drinking class. --Oscar Wilde When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --Henny Youngman Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Benjamin Franklin If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. --Deep Thought, Jack Handy Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. --Dave Barry The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. --Humphrey Bogart Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. --David Moulton People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee alot. --Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. --Kaiser Welhelm I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer. --Homer Simpson Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. --Dave Barry I drink to make other people interesting. --George Jean Nathan They who drink beer will think beer. --Washington Irving An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. --For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. --Dean Martin All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. --Homer Simpson IP: Logged

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